Look at my writing from my novel:
We are now…Stopping at: Seattle Station." The train conductor announced.
This caused me to awaken from my deep sleep to his announcement. Then I hear doors being slid open and clashes of people dashing and muttering for the door. Some of passengers bang into my door with some of their stuff, being unknowingly inconsiderate. Their shadows are first up then down, tall then short, fast then slow. They are like a bad shadow puppet show. The muttering then turned to conversations and arguments between them.
"Ouch, you just stepped on my foot!!" a man complained.
"No, I didn't!" a person protested.
"Yes you did!" the man argued.
"Um, no I didn't. Maybe you're stupid."
"Yes, you did, asshole and what did you say?"
Then there's arguing between the two people. Then more people join in on the arguing and then it turns into a garble of curse words and shouts. The garbling turns to yelping and that turns into a cacophony of chaos and noise.
This is not for me. I grab two pillows off the bed and cover my ears with each one.
Go away. I thought hard enough.
Thirty. Every time I would see or hear something bad or annoying, I would cover my ears, shut my eyes and count backwards from thirty so they'll go away. Twenty-five. This works every time. I've been doing this ever since I was little. I would do this whenever they would argue. Twenty. Whenever I come home, they would argue. Seventeen. The arguments would be about bills, her spending more time with me or him out all night…with her. I would go to my room and turn on the TV to block out their yelling. Twelve. Then I would lie on my bed, pull the covers over my head, cover my ears, shut my eyes and counted. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.
I open my eyes and look at my door. The shadows and their unnecessary noise are gone. I give a soft sigh of relief. I touch my forehead which is cold and then my cheek, which happens to be cold too. I turn around and see a faint oval imprint on the window. My cheek was probably there. I like to look at the moon outside in order to fall asleep. I look down at my wrist where the bracelet she gave me dangles there. . She gave me this when I was little. It has five pendants on it. The first pendant is of a green plant, the second is the orange full moon, the third is of a purple cross, the fourth is...what seems to be a blue teardrop and the last one, my favorite, is a black crossbow and arrow. The pendants all hang on a beautiful black braided rope she made herself. I find it very unique and beautiful. If I flip over the flap, on the center of the bracelet, it reads I love you. I shed a small tear then wipe it away. I move my eyes from the imprint to the outside. The sky is a dark steel gray with light, soft grey clouds moving amidst the large moon. There's something about the moon that makes me wonder if something weird is going to happen. I reposition myself in a sleeping position but I do not feel tired anymore. This is the first time I haven't felt tired.
Hi, JuelleB. I see you're new, so welcome to Book Country
It's great you're looking for thoughts on your writing, but the discussion thread isn't the best place for it. You should put your writing up for peer review, where it'll be easier to critique. Review someone's manuscript, then upload your own. To do this:
1. Review at least one manuscript on the site
2. Go to your dashboard and click 'Workshop a Book'
3. Upload your manuscript, add Details, Book Cover, Genre, etc.
4. Hit post
Your manuscript should be available for review then. I suggest connecting with Book Country Director Lucy Silag. She should be able to answer any questions you might have.
Newbie Writer, Amber
Hi Juelle--Welcome to Book Country! Glad to have you with us in the community!
Thanks, Amber, for jumping in to help. Juelle, I hope you will review a book so that you can post your own for feedback!
In the meantime, we actually do have a thread where you can post dialogue, if you want to add this excerpt. You should also be sure and introduce yourself so that people can start connecting with you.
Let me know if you have questions!