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It's not me!
Mac Fortner
Posted: Saturday, March 2, 2013 9:19 PM
Joined: 10/10/2011
Posts: 3

Hi friends
I have tried to get my friends to realize that he character in my novel isn't me. Because i write in first person everyone thinks i'm talking about myself. My wife's friends want to know if my sex sceens with multiple women is my fantasy. What can i do?

Elizabeth Moon
Posted: Monday, March 4, 2013 1:18 AM
Joined: 6/14/2012
Posts: 194

Assuming that what you want is advice on how not to be accused of having orgy fantasies when you've written orgies in first person...

1) Write in third person.  Seriously--why are you writing in first person?   Few stories can be told best in first person.  OK, I wrote a book in first person--after many books in third--but everyone knew that a younger autistic male was not me, the much older non-autistic female.   Writing in first person makes confusion of writer and character easy (and enticing) for readers.  Write in third person and give the male character who's engaged in those graphic sex scenes some characteristics that aren't at all like you and that people know you don't like.   (He likes food you hate, or he wears clothes you'd never wear, or has a job you despise, or looks other words make sure he doesn't seem like something you imagine being.)

2) Don't write graphic sex scenes.   Any writer--male or female--who writes  graphic sex scenes will be assumed to be doing so from experience or at least a vivid fantasy concentration on the content of those graphic sex scenes.   (Not writing graphic sex scenes leaves people speculating about what one's fantasies are, but at least it's speculation.)  Writers who write graphic sex scenes may acquire stalkers (women who write them usually end up having to hire security personnel.  So do some men.)

But if instead you're looking for advice on how to handle it when you're accused of having such fantasies after people have read your graphic sex scenes written in first person...lie like a rug.  Say no.  Keep saying no, of course not, that's not you, that's the guy in the book.  Point out that graphic sex scenes sell.   Say no, again.  And again.  And realize that you'll be saying No, not me, it's the other guy, the one in the book, and it's FICTION  over and over as long as that book is in someone's memory.  It's human nature.  They're going to think it, and you're going to have to live with it. (If no one told you before that writing a book exposes a lot of your innards to the world and the world's you know. )  

Herb Mallette
Posted: Tuesday, March 5, 2013 10:20 PM
Joined: 6/28/2011
Posts: 188

Maybe you should consider responding, "I'm a heterosexual male living in 21st century America. Of course it's my fantasy to have sex with multiple women. Have you had a heterosexual male American tell you that it's not his fantasy? Because if you have, that guy's lying."

Also good might be, "No, it's not my fantasy. I just write this stuff to keep people from suspecting what my actual fantasies might be."

(Warning: you probably don't want to use either of those lines on people who have no sense of humor.)
Posted: Friday, March 22, 2013 8:51 AM
Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 226

As a writer of erotica, I get asked questions like this. A lot. And not just whether it's a fantasy, but whether I've done what I write about. Apparently, it's convincingly accurate. *shrugs*

What bothers me is that my friends who write about serial killers don't get asked, "Did you stab someone?" or "Do you have fantasies of violently murdering scads of people in increasingly gory ways and then attempt to get away with it?" Or, less extreme, do we assume techno-thriller writers try to hack into government databases for accuracy? 

My response anymore is to smile, without confirming or denying. Or to remind them that it's fiction. Worrying over what people think is a waste of time. They'll think what they want no matter what you do or say. Write the story the way it needs to be written and laugh your ass all the way to the bank. (If your sex scenes are good--multiple partners or not--those friends of your wife are going to be jealous that she gets to benefit from your assumed prowess. And possibly want to join in. *grin*)
Alexander Hollins
Posted: Tuesday, June 11, 2013 4:10 PM
Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412

I've written a couple of male male homosexual love scenes, because it was part of the story, and had people wondering if I was gay. Just tell them no, it's not you. You're a writer, you write things you are not!
Toni Smalley
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2013 5:54 PM
I agree with Noelle. It is fiction. Does King get asked if his fantasy is to tie someone up, crucify them, then burn them alive? I write in first person all the time. My boyfriend accuses me of being the main character and asks me who the hunky man is in my story. He doesn't read, so he doesn't understand anything about storytelling. These people who are saying these things are either not readers/writers, so they don't understand, or they are and are just screwing around with you.
Posted: Friday, November 29, 2013 8:53 AM
It's easy to tell if lurid sex scenes are written from actual experience or made up. The real ones smack of verisimilitude.It's nearly impossible for a woman of  limited sexual activity to get inside the quixotic landscape of the male boner. Female authors of erotica, concomitant with their gender's penchant for meaningful relationships, invariably soften their steamy sexual descriptions with overtones of tenderness. The ultimate meshing of the sex organs lacks the rapacious atmosphere indigenous to male erotica that dotes on overwhelming phallic superiority. We have on Book Country two examples of the male/female approach to erotica: Elena Kirby's elegant but salacious "That's What She Said," and Barrington Steele's cock riot, a brutalizing account of an emotionally retarded sex fiend who accentuates his juvenile prose with a multitude of exclamation points obviously included as a deluge of phallic symbolism.Male erotica, which usually features the misadventures of a detached, super-sized penis, is known in the trade as Dicks in Space.

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