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Kissing Scenes vs. Sex Scenes
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 2:15 AM
Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 49

Am I the only person out there who finds kissing scenes way harder to write than sex scenes? Seriously, I can write sex scenes all day long, no problem. But writing a simple kiss? That doesn't escalate to anything more? ARGH! I'm pulling my hair out! What makes it worse is that this particular kiss is rather important to the entire plot of the novel (urban fantasy, and something is discovered about one of the characters during this kiss). 

So who else hates writing kissing scenes? Any tips from those of you who enjoy writing them? (Does anyone actually enjoy writing them???)

Alex Park
Posted: Friday, April 29, 2011 8:44 PM
Joined: 4/29/2011
Posts: 1

I must agree. There's only so much one can do with a kissing scene, yet they seem to be so integral to many women's psyche in particular, less so in more primitive men. You'ree right, it's easy to be inventive in a sex scene, soething different is always happening, but kissing?
Usually I try to mention what their hands are doing while making out, what they are looking at if their eyes are open, the scents they are inhaling, what they are actually thinking, and if they are rating their partner. Any better suggestions?
Alexander Hollins
Posted: Thursday, May 5, 2011 10:41 PM
Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412

hunh., I have a seen im about to write with the MC making out with another character. I was going to gloss it, but now I'm tempted to write it out, as challenge.
Posted: Friday, May 6, 2011 7:20 AM
Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 214

Oooooh … I dunno if they’re any harder! I think that The Kiss is far more fun to set up than The Sex. ☺

There are all flavors of kisses, just like there’s all kinds of sex. There’s the sweet I-love-you kiss; the passionate “really wanna know you better” kiss; the raw, mindless kind of kiss that a man gives a woman (or vice versa) in the middle of sex; the curious “Hmm … do I wanna kiss you more?” kind of kiss; the …

Well, you get my drift.

I think it helps to think back on some of the more exquisite A +++ kisses that the writer has had during his or her lifetime. You always remember these (or at least, I do) and channel that feeling. One thing that I do like about my romance novel is that I think I got the kissing down pat.

Posted: Monday, August 8, 2011 11:14 PM
Joined: 8/5/2011
Posts: 1

Every moment is unique. BE in the moment with your characters, see it, feel it, Be It.. then write what that is.
Goes for every part of writing. Having the ability to be there and write about it so your reader can be there too.
Charl F king
Posted: Monday, November 21, 2011 8:04 AM
Joined: 11/20/2011
Posts: 24

I love writing them. It's like the build up to the final act
Charl F king
Posted: Monday, November 21, 2011 9:01 AM
Joined: 11/20/2011
Posts: 24

I agree with Lisa and love the build up of kissing. Like Alex, I think to imagine the kiss you need helps a lot and employing all the senses definitely does it. For women it's all about the smell of the man, the stubble on his face and hardness of the kiss, sloppy or firm.
Danna Shaffer
Posted: Thursday, December 15, 2011 3:36 PM
Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 1

I have the complete opposite problem -I love the kissing scene and have problems with the sex scene. Kissing is where all of the emotion lies. You can have meaningless sex, but I've never had a kiss that didn't mean something.
I definately agree with putting yourself in your characters head and actually feeling the emotions behind the kiss as well as feeling the scent, touch, and sight of it.
As a reader I wanna know what's going on in the head of the main character as it's all going on.  
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 4:27 PM
I'm with Danna. I have no problem with the kissing scene but when it comes to the sex scene, I trip all over my feet.

Jay Greenstein
Posted: Monday, June 25, 2012 1:43 AM
Part of the problem, I think, is that too many people focus on plumbing rather than emotion. Kissing is sex. If presenting people who are showing affection is hard to do, then how real can the foreplay be in the scene that continues on to sex be?

Stories take place in the human heart, not in a chronicle of events. And the goal isn't to tell the story, it's to manipulate the reader's emotions through the telling of the story. That's why so many people stress the idea of show don't tell.

I can't speak for anyone else, but when I read, I want to be moved, not informed.

Lisa M Jones
Posted: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 10:59 PM
Joined: 3/3/2012
Posts: 2

I have never written a sex scene. To be honest, I don't read them either. But I have written plenty of kissing scenes and I really enjoy them. I think the queen of writing passionate kissing scenes that don't lead to sex is Marcia Lynn McClure. She writes AWESOME kissing scenes. In fact, her catch phrase is 'it's all about the kissing'. She writes all sorts of books - contemporary, historical, western... They're all great and filled with wonderful, heated kisses. Grab one and read. Other than that, my advice for writing a great kissing scene is not to gloss over it but to make it a scene. Concentrate on the emotions, the tingling skin, the pounding pulse, the intrigue. Perhaps they keep it to a soft, lingering kiss; perhaps its a kiss that gets deeper and more demanding; or maybe its a kiss where she can feel that he's being restrained and bridled even though he might want more. The restrain, the hint at what could happen is better than letting it go wild. The restraint and suspense are what builds a great kissing scene in my mind. Good luck!
GD Deckard
Posted: Wednesday, August 29, 2012 9:43 PM

I'm with Jay on this. We need to show the scene to know the meaning of the kiss.

Are they standing? Is it a full body kiss? Does she feel him throbbing against her belly? Do his hands slide off her shoulders, cup her waist, hook thumbs in her waistband and does he kneel to pull her pants down, help her out of her shoes?

Inquiring minds need to know.

Alexander Hollins
Posted: Monday, October 1, 2012 12:08 PM
Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 412

I was going to say, I just wrote a kissing scene, but since the next scene is a sex scene, I don't think it counts...

I've written lots of scenes with physical contact that excites, but doesn't go further, but no simply makeout sessions. I think perhaps I should!