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Given the assignment of a final paper, the narrartor of this story finds it a little too easy to do reaserch for her topic of race-relations in today's society. All she has to do is hangout with her friends and her story practically writes itself. Sometimes overwhelmed by her friend's behavior and thought patterns, she does what she can to remain calm -- she ignores it.
(No author's note)
There is a vivacity of tone that is refreshing, even though at time the crude language may seem artificially placed for effect.This reads like a fresh "tranche-de-vie" but could benefit it seems from a smoother transition from one scene to the other. None of the parts reads like they are forced out of the author's mind and pen, but together they are not flowing naturally with one another.
The voice is well established and credible. The narrative angle feels very natural.
I have to preface my comment by saying that I am not particularly touched by the subject matter, making the overall situation more obtuse to me.My feeling, reading the story is that it feels it is starting out of nowhere and ends in a fizzle, there doesn't seem to be a clear direction established, but more of a succession of impressions that might be detrimental to the "plot".
I love this piece. I think you do a beautiful job of handling an incredibly complex topic by showing a variety of real situations and opinions, and how prejudice comes from so many kinds of people in so many different ways. One place I was a little confused was in the beginning with the daydream, since from the rest of the story we get that the narrator is in college and from NYC, and the imaginings don't seem to fit with that. I got the impression she was imagining herself as a servant or maybe even a slave from the past, but I'm not sure. (I love the comparison of the bare feet to the beaten sheets.) Are you comparing the classmates to whomever is in the house? Am I reading too much into it? I also wasn't sure at the end how the narrator felt about the teddy monkey note. The fact that she kept it and says her friend didn't like it implies that she did find the humor in it maybe, but I wasn't sure. But then, it also sounds like they never really dated after that, so maybe not?
It has a strong voice, and the vignettes come together beautifully. I think the message is clear, yet you let the thoughts and actions of the characters do the talking, if you know what I mean.
Like I said, the vignettes work together really well overall. I was pulled in from beginning to end. I did feel the ending was a little abrupt. I think I understood the implication in the last comment that people will always care about race, but I feel like there needs to be maybe a little more than the friend's reply to give the story closure. I know it's a short story, but I would definitely read more.
Keep up the good work. You are not afraid to dive into street language and you keep things real.
The voice is consistent and I love the picture you paint.
As a white person it is is hard for me to relate to an African American woman and you bring me into the life. Your character is very educated. She is vulnerable and yet tough.
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