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Cassandra thought that her life couldn't get much worse when she threw her cheating boyfriend out, but when she finds a photo of herself at the bookstore where she works, her whole world is thrown for a curve. She thinks that it's a bad prank at first, but as she finds more photos, she believes there's something much more sinister behind the photographs. Just when she thinks that things can't get any more complicated, the new man in her life thinks that his former life as an FBI profiler may have something to do with her stalker.
(No author's note)
Greetings!I hope my comments are of some use to you, this is outside of genres I normally read.As a side note, there is something weird about how your story updated. No indents, so it is hard to read through it, please bear with me if I miss something!Chapter 1 ::My biggest complaint with chapter one is that it doesn't feel much like a thriller to me yet. You defused your nervous tension and excitement / thriller fuse by revealing the nature of your stalker right away. I think it would be much more thrilling if you were to feed us -- in bits, like a mystery -- who the stalker is and what his goals are. You could even have him leave hints in the very photographs being sent. Right now, it fell short of being a thriller for me.Chapter 2 :: Overall, the writing quality was good and definitely worked for this style of book, I just think that the series of events and presentation need to be worked on a bit. The first chapter -- for the most part -- held my interest, but you lost in my in the second because the tension wasn't there. It felt too safe, cozy, and more of a romance than a thriller. That said, your writing is pretty easy to read, and I could see this being a pleasant romance if the romance elements were the focus. If this is going to make it as a thriller, I think you'll really have to up the conflict, up the tension, and up the general thriller elements of the book.Hope these comments help!
Chapter 1 ::I think I can see the starts of the plot here, so no real complaints. I do think it took too long to get to the photo incident, and I think the nature of the stalker being revealed so early ruined the general thrill factor for me. I'd like to be kept guessing at what is going on, who is leaving the photograph(s), and so on.Chapter 2 ::The plot in Chapter 2 is very generic; it makes sense in the grand scheme, but there is nothing about it to make it stand out, either. the run-in with the ex went about as expected, except for one hitch; she was so worried about breaking down in tears through the first part, and there was no sign of that when they actually met. That didn't feel very consistent to me in general.
Chapter 1::I found that the pacing kind of dragged for me. We knew the villain's end game before the book even started from the reveal, so there was nothing mysterious to thrill me. We already knew the villain's motivation, so when the photo showed up, it wasn't a surprise and I wasn't really feeling the tension. The other scenes felt like setup, rather than key events. I'm not sure what to suggest except tightening the first chapter -- perhaps open with the photo being found, and then the rest of her horrible day crashing down on her. That might help speed the pace up a little bit.Chapter 2 ::This may sound a bit off, but it feels like the stalker is making his move too quickly, especially considering his background. I just get the feeling that he should be more systematic and that there should be a few short encounters to make it not-quite-so-obvious that he is the stalker. I'm not sure if the reason this is bothering me is because it is too obvious, thus killing off the thrill element for me or what. I'll try to sleep on it to figure out why I feel like this.Overall, I think the pacing was the weakest part of this. It just wasn't holding me like a good thriller should, in my opinion. Even when psychological, the only thrills that have come so far have been of her own making. The first photograph didn't really hit the mark for me in that regard.
I wish I could care about the character of Cassie but mostly she was just annoying and not a character I would want to get close to. Also, I felt put off by some awkward phrasing, vulgar language, and bad punctuation in some areas. Most of this was about Cassie's anger at her ex-boyfriend and I felt no real threat to her other than knowing what the freak with a camera was thinking. There was no real suspense.
I like the idea of having a woman who has just broken up with one man and met a second man being stalked by someone who is taking photos of her. This reminds me of the movie ONE HOUR PHOTO starring Robin Williams but this is not done anywhere near as well as that was.
I was longing for certain scenes to be over such as the bar scenes. Cassie's interactions with co-workers seemed silly and I wanted for them to be over as well.
Overall, I like this story. It's different and it's fun. You have some cool characters and I already want to know what's going to happen in the next chapter. In all the chapters to come, actually. :)There are times, though, when I don't feel a difference in your characters. Meaning, they all sort of blend in together. Cassie with David, David with Johnnie, Johnnie with Mitchell. The only character who stands out with his own voice: the stalker. He's entertaining and I find myself always looking forward to his own snippets. I would suggest trying to exercise with their individual voices/tones. Maybe some free writing?I like Cassie because she seems very independent and head strong, but see...it's only an assumption of mine. Nothing more, really. I don't see it in her. I'm told it, repeatedly, but I'd like to see it. Maybe instead of her saying she wants to be in control and feel secure in herself, show it. Have her do something that gives the readers that epiphany: Woah...this woman knows what she wants and how she wants it. But it's just a suggestion! :)Also, I don't see a real romance between Cassie and David. I don't know...part of me just doesn't believe it. However, I see the sexual tension between them. That's perfect! I just wish I saw more of an emotional connection. Just another question: how did David not pick up on it?Oh! You know who else I am in love with? Michael. I have a crush on Michael. And I don't even care if he's the stalker. He's smooth and he's confident and he's...sure of himself. That's the kind of attitude I'd love to see in David. :)
Interesting plot! I like how everything is linking up. I have to say, I see this more as a mystery than a romance. The suspense is overpowering the romance between David and Cassie. But that's just me. :)Like I said, I like the stalker and I want to know more about his patterns. I can't wait to figure out who it is (money's on Michael) and I can't wait to see the future for David and Cassie after all of this is done with. After all, they're enjoying an adrenaline high. Maybe they both feel the need to be together because of the situation they're both thrown in: will that be an issue that'll bubble up to the surface? Looking forward to more!
The pace of the story is fast. And I mean, very fast. It's all good because you want something like this to move right along. It's a romance AND suspense. Both of those need to have an edgy tempo and you've got it down. :)Sometimes, though, the writing drags. The image comes across just fine, but the pace of the words makes the scene lag when I'm sure it's meant to pick up. For example: "I'm late for class!" Cassie moved as quickly as her body would allow, trying to find something clean to wear in the piles of clothes laying on the floor of her bedroom. That is one long sentence for something she's meant to be doing quickly. This is all about syntax though, so I'd just try going through the story and looking at all the bits where the flow is meant to be hurried and re-work the sentence structure. But, again, it's just a suggestion - what you have now is working fine in telling the story. :)
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